Dear Diary: Just Playing Around

To get a better grasp of using the new site editor I decided to try adding a PayPal widget for donations. I am immediately second-guessing myself, and will probably give in to the fear screaming at me to remove it.

Meanwhile, I am in the final countdown to my first set of vacation days for this year, and I honestly cannot wait. My body aches, my mind aches, and I am just utterly exhausted. Not so much from my heavy workload these past few months, but more so from the mental strain of trying to manage my personal and work affairs, and still get my finances and health in order. My next general check-up is in a few weeks and already I’m dreading it.

I have been cycling between the thoughts of working out every day and eating rabbit food or just continuing to try to maintain my current weight and my least favourite, eff it all and binge. The last was the loudest voice because my doctor asked that I have all my blood work done a couple of weeks ago. So it doesn’t matter what I do now, it won’t change the results. Still, I don’t want to step on the scale and see that 193 pounds staring at me. Again. For the third year in a row. So I am trying to not go off the deep end to stay below 180.

Ideally, I would love to see 170, but I don’t want to starve myself either just to prove a point. I am proud of the fact that I lost weight. Maybe not a huge amount, but for me it’s a big deal. And if I’m being frank, it is not so much the number on the scale, it is the difference in how my clothes fit. I don’t feel as squished in my office chair or car. My knees and back don’t ache as much. However, I still have a long way to go. I am still nowhere near as fit as I would love to be, but this isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Slow and steady, all the way.

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