While my therapist never actually confirmed that I have PMDD, we have discussed the possibility that I do suffer from it. Which would explain so much. Some months my PMS is normal, others, way too many months, I tiptoe my way to the edge of the suicide cliff and play chicken with death and all of his friends. So tonight I find myself laying in bed, kids watching cartoons in the living room and me wondering why I am such an organized, disorganized mess.
Thing is, this past week has not been too bad.
I guess all in all I just feel an overwhelming sense of failing to utilize my time well because I fear the possibility of success and all the hard work it requires. Fact is, while I enjoy my anonymity, I know that accomplishing certain goals, will require my stepping outside of my carefully built box. Oh, the thinly concealed horror.
Trying to find the right path for me has not and will not be easy. Worthwhile things rarely are, however, the fear, the crippling fear that still lingers in the back of my mind won’t let up. How do I get past this? I want to get off the hamster wheel and onto the yellow brick road. Slow and steady.