Life Update: Battle Of The Mindsets

Since the year began, my mind has been at war with itself. Seesawing constantly between, getting healthy or just binge eating. Get my money straight and retail therapy. Be happy and eff this I just want to be depressed and anxious all day, every day.

My mindset had changed a lot and I have been struggling to find the root of the problem. I know that if I pay off my debt my anxiety surrounding it would lift, but I lacked the drive and motivation to do so. Knowing that when I eat better and exercise, I mentally feel more focused and settled but again feel little to no motivation. Some days I wake up ready and raring to go, but within minutes I’m curled up in a ball crying silent tears of despair. Melodramatic much?

Where do I begin to change my mindset? What small changes can I make to get there?

Financially, I have moved away from budgeting apps and opted to go back to the basics with pencil and paper. While my notebook has been useful, I browsed through Etsy and found a simple, printable planner back in January. Seeing everything on paper is incredibly overwhelming and depressing. Where did I go wrong? Nevertheless, I am becoming more disciplined in my use of it. I am better able to plan for bill payments and debt payoff. That in itself has been the source of many panic attacks the past couple of months, but there is also a level of satisfaction in seeing the numbers go down.

The only app I kept is an expenses tracker, simply because my binder is too bulky to take around with me daily and it’s easy to use with a simple chart that allows me to better gauge which areas are bleeding money and how I can improve it over the coming months.

My next Etsy purchase was a printable planner. Now while I have printed the pages and even found a smaller binder for them, I haven’t started to use it as yet. I don’t know why I’m delaying it, but I will finish setting it up and start trying to get better at organizing my life. Thanks to YouTube, I downloaded a To-Do tracker and that has helped to make remembering little day-to-day tasks easier, and also comes in handy to make little notes when my notebook isn’t close by.

This habit has spilled over into my work life. By making a to-do list in my work notebook every morning, or almost every morning, I am better able to track my tasks for the day and it relieves some of the pressure I usually feel from the sight of my overflowing inbox tray.

Lastly, I have tidied my bedside table and pulled out all of my vitamin and health supplements. Based on research, aka me diving down the Google rabbit hole, some studies have shown that vitamin and mineral deficiencies, for example, vitamin D and Vitamin B12, can cause depression symptoms. So by rotating the use of my vitamins, it ensures that my body gets what it needs, and also, it’s like a mini shop my stash challenge. I know some would say vitamins are just a way to make expensive pee, but I will admit that my moods have improved a bit since I started taking them.

Exercise is still a little slow in getting back into the daily routine, but it will get there. So far it’s only once a week, but once is better than none. With time it will be twice, then three times. I can and will do this. Slow and steady.

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