My return to work was met by a backlog of paperwork, just over two weeks’ worth to be exact, and the expectation from my higher-ups that my team of one, aka me, would get it all sorted out asap. This meant I would be tossed right into figuring out if I learned my lesson of having a proper work/life balance and being slow and steady.
The first test was maintaining an exercise routine, which promptly slowed down since my return to work. Not being at home all day meant having to schedule in time to move my body. I have resorted to doing a quick 10 to 15-minute session on the mornings I don’t have to be at the office early, and it has been helping, but I would like to work my way back up to 20-minute sessions.
Therefore, designing a daily schedule is now a top priority. With the uptake in business, my workdays are busier and sometimes longer. I have no desire to be all work and no play, and I want to be able to relax and take care of my personal needs as well as have a healthy relationship with work. I know now I have much work to do and my therapist is right, establishing boundaries will go a long way to aiding the process.
On a good note, while running errands for work, I popped into a stationary store and was able to find a gorgeous deep green folder/binder for under $10. The next step is to work on designing my budget sheets to meet my needs and printing them. Then I will be on my way to creating a daily/budget planner for 2022. I will continue, however, to use my notebook for the rest of 2021. I have noticed that removing all the bells and whistles and keeping it simple has been working quite well, and I hope to carry the same efficiency into my new binder.
My only hope is that my Christmas blues will go easy on me this season. I am trying my best not to be a Grinch but it’s not easy. With Christmas music on blast every day in the office, my headphones have been my best friends. Also every day I have to listen to colleagues talk about their plans, and decorations and just being festive. I want to tell them that not everyone has a good season, not everyone copes during holidays. Some of us are just filled with a deep emptiness, that no matter how we try, we just can’t seem to fill it; but I can’t.
I have to grin bear it, all the while wishing that I could just be happy. Instead, I am just angry at myself for my inability to not feel joyous. To not be overwhelmed with a never-ending sense of panic and anxiety. Still, I will try my best this year though; every year is easier than the last, and at least this year I have a therapist who has helped me to make more progress than in previous years. I can do this. Slow and steady.