There It Is Again

That phrase on an endless loop inside my head. “Not Enough, Never Enough”.

When does it ever go away? Does it ever go away? This feeling of inadequacy that hits deep down in the low esteemed out of my gut? Friends went off to successful jobs, relationships, kids… Ex-lovers changing for and choosing the prettier, feminine more successful female that fits their image of a happy life. And me watching from the sidelines wondering when is my turn at happiness? When will someone choose me?

This pool of self-pity and self-loathing that I swim in runs deep. Scalding my skin. Why do I not think myself worthy? When do I learn to be enough for me? When will I stop seeking the validation of others? When does any of this become easier?

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