Introvert Thoughts

The Prime Minister just announced a further easing of restrictions and I am filled with irrational anxiety. At least I think it may be irrational. I don’t know. As much as wearing a mask can be uncomfortable at times, it has become another piece of my security blanket from the world.

With a mask, there is no need for me to always carefully school my facial expressions for the sake of the more sensitive or intuitive persons I interact with daily. At work, I can be completely uninterested in a topic or be completed angered, but thanks to my mask and spectacles, who can tell just how I feel about the topic. All I need to control is my tone of voice.

However it’s not just the mask, with social events being allowed to take place, people will once again feel the need to make me a social creature. Why? I can remember making it quite clear that I thoroughly enjoyed the lockdowns. No forced social interactions. And yet just this past week a colleague said “it would be nice if you hung out with us at the beach or a bar”. No. No it wouldn’t. I barely tolerate most of you at work, I have no desire to spend my precious downtime with people I can’t stand.

This is not to say that I do not want to go anywhere, I do. I want to go to the deserted beaches and just read under a palm tree. I love going to bars, but quiet ones, with my small inner circle where actual conversations can be had not yelling and screaming over music. I want to go to the silent halls of the library and just meander and browse. I long for the various botanical gardens where I can be one with nature. Not with people clamouring for the pictures for the gram.

I can understand everyone has different needs. I respect it even, but with the easing of restrictions at the end of this month, all I hope for is that people will respect mine.

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