Drained and Frustrated

Yesterday started great. I was happy for all the blessings and good energy I had been feeling in the latter part of the week. Then something changed.

After work two of my colleagues needed rides so I said no problem, but I needed to make a stop at the mall to do some reconnaissance on beds. Now ideally this should have taken at the most 20mins. Nope, thanks to these two ladies it took 2 hours. Why? Because they kept going in multiple stores. And I won’t lie, I was tired and drained and frustrated very quickly, which I tried to disguise with humour.

When I returned home I started wondering why I was so angry? Why was my frustration still burning a hole in me? I ate, I relaxed, and still frustrated.

Eventually, I went into the yard with my dog and under the cool dark starry night, I pondered. I wasn’t just frustrated at them, I was frustrated with myself. And a little jealous. And felt sorely out of place in some of the stores. From the store clerks following me in the beauty and hair store, to me trying not to stare longingly at the pretty lingerie that I could never afford or even would dare to buy, to not buying new clothes for work because I simply cannot afford to right now.

It hurt.

Knowing that this is temporary and I should still end the day grateful for what I do have, I did my best to let go of the anger and hurt and pain. This too shall pass. However, it still sucks.

My time will come and until it does I have to keep putting in the work. Save, pay off debt, make healthier choices. Stay away from things that drain me physically, mentally and emotionally, and if they can’t be avoided, find healthy coping mechanisms. It can be done. It will be done. Every day, progress.

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