Yesterday, I decided to ask for and received a small loan. I then sat down, budgeted it out, and had enough left over to place a small amount into my savings and help ease the pressure of trying to survive.
I immediately wanted to talk to my friends about it, but every time I picked up the phone to do so, I found myself hesitating. I have been doing that a lot recently. Not telling my friends a lot about the choices and changes I have been making. And I have come to two conclusions about this, either I’m afraid they will be negative about it, or they will positive but place unnecessary pressure on me to succeed.
I have spent a long time being the cheerleader and the support team, so I will admit I don’t always accept support as well, but I have also learned that not everyone wants to see you succeed in non-traditional ways. I want to be able to feel good about my progress no matter how big or small it is.
Now for those who feel the need to push me harder, while it can work occasionally, I do not want to fall back into the habit of people-pleasing. I just want to do this for me. I want to have an honest try at doing something and not have numerous inputs dragging me in different directions.
So for now I will continue to move in silence, celebrate meeting my goals small or large and finding my place in the world.