I Like Having a Plan

My sister’s kids will be home soon. They defected and have been spending the majority of their time with their grandmother and father during the pandemic. Traitors lol. I don’t mind because it’s more room for them to run around, a lot more friends and family to hang out with, and with their mother and myself falling under the category of front line workers it just felt safer.

However, this visit is giving me some anxiety about being about to workout, privately. I have never liked the idea or feeling of exercising with people around me or looking at me. Hello, anxiety my old friend. So I have been having mini panic attacks trying to figure out how I will get in some kind of workout without having to worry about them disturbing me or vice versa. I refuse to go walking outdoors because everyone is walking outdoors and it just feels crowded.

I can’t drive to somewhere remote after work because sometimes I give co-workers a ride home so it kills the allotted time set for outdoor workouts by the health ministry. This leaves the only other option as getting up earlier than normal, so I can do it quietly while everyone else is asleep. Goodbye snooze button, my old friend.

I know how I’m feeling might seem silly to some but, I want to stick to my new plan and get my health back on track. I want to work at overcoming my anxiety about exercising around others but, I can still hear the comments and voices in the back of my head. “Too lazy, no point in trying, nobody cares, it won’t make a difference because I am not worthy”, but I have to keep trying and I will not rush the process. Every day, progress.

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