October, November and December, were beyond stressful for me in my personal life and especially my work life. I came close to having mental breakdowns multiple times, and my depression and anxiety levels were at an all-time high.
Now there were some bright moments, don’t get me wrong. I handled my holiday depression way better than I have in previous years. Nowhere near where I want to be, but I made progress and I am proud of that fact.
However, I was stressed all the way out. My sleep schedule was messed up, eating was when I remembered and/or binging, water intake was abysmal and financially I made increasingly poor decisions.
Since I was making no real plan or attempts to deal with any of this, God decided it was time to sit my ass down. On January 1st 2021, my workmates and I were called into an emergency staff meeting. The reason? One of our colleagues had tested positive for COVID-19 and we all needed to self quarantine and get tested immediately.
My heart dropped, and my anxiety stood up and took control of the show. Today is day 12 and I am only just calming down and coming to grips with everything that has happened and is happening. A million thoughts have run through my mind countless times and still do. I have cried and questioned God over and over, and the answer was always, “Be Still”.
My significant other tonight asked why are the gods traumatizing me, and my response was that this is his way of teaching me to be patient, to not overthink or worry all the time. He is trying yet again to teach me to just live.
So while I lay here in my bed, eating my way through my Christmas stash of Hershey’s Kisses, and patiently awaiting the results of my second test, fingers crossed it comes back negative, I am being still.