Blogmas Day 20: Shopping and The Blahs

My post is extremely late today. Yeah. I didn’t think I would last this long but, five more days to go.

My family and I went grocery shopping today. Typically, on any other day this would give me anxiety due to the fact that we are loud. It’s in our DNA. Every one in my dad’s side are loud. We can’t help it, but I try not to fit the mold, when in a group. However I try not to let it get to me, because it’s something that will probably never change.

Now add loud family to crowded stores and a driver, me, who has only had three hours of sleep because my depression has decided to present as insomnia and lack of appetite, and you have a recipe for disaster.

By some odd miracle we survived though, and I didn’t blow my top until we were almost home. I guess I was too tired to care today. I have been floating through my days in a zombie like state, just moving on autopilot.

Just five more days.

This season hasn’t been as bad as seasons past, and for that I am grateful. Tonight I hope to fall asleep and stay asleep. Tomorrow I hope to be better than today. I can do this. I can keep moving forward. I have to, I need to. My mother would not have wanted me to give up just because she is no longer here. I will do it for her and for myself. I will survive.

Until next post, Happy Blogmas.

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