I miss my mother. This is no secret. And I think the reason why I always flip out during these months is that I no longer have her influence in my life. I lost her an at an age where I was just transitioning from teenager to adulthood, and to be quite frank, I did not have a clue how to do it without her guidance. I did not have fun wild twenties like most, I did not fully experience life or really grow into my own person. While I did do some undercover wild things to release the tension, I did not fully address my life and its changes.
My sister had her first child when I was eighteen, and since we share a home together, I fell into the role of second mom after my mom passed. I pretty much gave up a proper social life and life experiences because I felt I needed to be home so my niece would be taken care of and so my sister could have a life and time to herself as a young mother.
Most see this as one of my major mistakes. IT was. I did not want to face life or people. I did not want to be happy. I wanted to just go to work, come home and not deal with happy people. A lot of my problems now have been years in the making, and this is not okay.
I am not going to go too in-depth at this point because I am starting to become emotional and I want to ease myself into this journey. Basically, I just wanted to start to give some background to the coming days. If you have been here before you kind of have an idea about my life already, so you know how fickle I can be, but it’s now or never.
See you on day three.