To Be or Not To Be… Friends

What is the true definition of friendship? I guess that answer would vary from person to person according to their respective needs, but for me I just want some who is there for me and me for them through thick and thin.

I am however discovering that what I thought were real friendships are not. This morning a “friend” texted me wanting to know if he had told me that he had gotten into university. He did, and the fact that he has an almost idetic memory is not lost on me.

He has no doubt noticed that since our last falling out, that I no longer reach out to him like before. Sure I will pass along information that I think he may find useful, but I no longer fawn over him. Yes that’s right, I fawned. And why should I? If in my hour of need you berated me rather than just be a willing ear, why I should I continue to give you so much of my energy and time?

Oddly enough I seem to be noticing this behaviour more and more amongst many of the people I considered to be friends. And I find it troubling. Not so much from them, but from me. What is it in me that feels the need to be everything to everyone, even though they are less than willing to return the favour?

Am I that needy or just that lonely with low self esteem, or just overthinking?

This period of self discovery has been painful in more ways than one.

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