Where Have I Been All My Life?


I have been buried in my thoughts for a couple of months now. Barely reading, binge-watching old television series and sleeping and hiding. Initially, I was loving being home all the time, being able to fully recharge my introverted batteries and come back to the centre from being burnt out for too long. Little did I know that eventually, money worries would become the bane of my existence.

Luckily I was able to return to work part-time just when I felt at my lowest of lows and it has helped to greatly reduce the burden I had been feeling. I am slowly refocusing on my health mentally and physically. I have even started a courtship.

Since my partial return to work, I have been slowly working on reorganizing and decluttering my bedroom. I have been holding on to so much for so long and it is not healthy. I think the reason I struggled with it it is because after fourteen years I still was holding on to my grief over losing my mother. It took a long time for me to realize that she would not have wanted this for me. Holding on to things that no longer served a purpose. It is not how she or my grandparents raised me.

And I have to say so far my room feels lighter and more like me. I can still see glimpses of my mother, but I am finally growing into my own person. I hope wherever she and my grandparents are, that they are proud of me and hopefully not cussing me out for being so stubborn.

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