Can’t Stop. Won’t Stop.
As Christmas day approaches, I find myself spiraling slowly out of control. I lasted longer than previous years, but I still find myself wanting to give up and give in to the melancholy and despair.
I can’t give up, I won’t, but it’s hard sometimes. I am becoming angry with family and friends because I feel like they don’t understand how I am feeling or what I am going through and so I find myself withdrawing slowly from the world.
I tell myself this is to allow me to clear my head and regroup, but I also know it will be a fine line to walk. I will survive this Christmas season. I will allow myself to feel my emotions and not feel guilty.
I will watch the movies, listen to the carols and cry if I want to cry. I won’t hide but I will not force other to try to understand my battle. I know I am not alone, but sometimes my biggest ally is me and I will make it through.