The night is coming faster and it brings with it a chill that requires a thicker blanket, even here in the tropics. It signals to me that Christmas is coming. Sigh. I am not looking forward to it. Work will become way more hectic, lasting for three months after the holiday, and everyone around me will become all joyful and excited.
I will become increasing melancholic. My depression does not like Christmas. I used to love the holiday, up until I turned twenty-one. After my mom died the holiday just lost it’s magic. I felt and still feel like I have no reason to be happy or join in the celebrations. All around me people will be making plans with friends and loved ones, and I will be feeling alone.
It is irrational, after all, I have family and friends, but I still find myself sad often. Sad and feeling defeated. I am hoping this year will bring some improvement. That happiness will come more often, and my thoughts won’t be so dark, but history and my moods so far make me cautious to hope.