It sucks when you have no one to vent to and your circle of friends don’t understand why you feel this way.
I love my friends. This however, does not mean I feel comfortable telling them everything. That is why I have or rather had a shrink. See, one of things I haven’t told any of them. Not even my best friend, and I tell him 99% of everything that happens, doesn’t know that I have stopped seeing my doctor, and also weaned myself off my medication.
Now this is not something I would recommend to people who suffer from depression and anxiety. I just felt it was the right choice for me at this time. I was tired of taking medication every day, I was tired of the side effects, and I felt I was just using the medication as another coping mechanism rather that facing my triggers.
So that is what this journey has been about. Facing my triggers. I can’t keep running and medicating and self medicating just because I don’t wan’t to deal with life. I have not told my friends, which some will say is dumb, because they can offer support, but honestly, by facing certain things I am learning that some of my friends aren’t really people that I want to keep close to me.
I just kept them around because I didn’t want to be alone. Only to realize that I can be around them and still feel alone. Hmmm
So I will walk this road alone. Fight my demons, and even if I fail I will not regret having tried. Time to put all of my shrink’s advice to work.