I tried to be alone, but lonely is so lonely alone….

It sucks when you have no one to vent to and your circle of friends don’t understand why you feel this way. 

I love my friends. This however, does not mean I feel comfortable telling them everything. That is why I have or rather had a shrink. See, one of things I haven’t told any of them. Not even my best friend, and I tell him 99% of everything that happens, doesn’t know that I have stopped seeing my doctor, and also weaned myself off my medication. 

Now this is not something I would recommend to people who suffer from depression and anxiety. I just felt it was the right choice for me at this time. I was tired of taking medication every day, I was tired of the side effects, and I felt I was just using the medication as another coping mechanism rather that facing my triggers.

So that is what this journey has been about. Facing my triggers. I can’t keep running and medicating and self medicating just because I don’t wan’t to deal with life. I have not told my friends, which some will say is dumb, because they can offer support, but honestly, by facing certain things I am learning that some of my friends aren’t really people that I want to keep close to me. 

I just kept them around because I didn’t want to be alone. Only to realize that I can be around them and still feel alone. Hmmm

So I will walk this road alone. Fight my demons, and even if I fail I will not regret having tried. Time to put all of my shrink’s advice to work.

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