Dear Diary

I met him. I met with my ex and I have to say I am surprised. Surprised by the lack of emotion on my part. How can this cold, emotionless, shadow of a man be the man I loved for so long?

Meeting with him, listening to him talk and watching him interact with others showed me just how much we have both changed. And yet stayed the same.

He talked about his current relationship, and instead of the jealousy and hurt I have been feeling this past year, I now feel nothing but pity for that poor woman. While I am sure he cares for her, she will never be number one in his life, and I wish I could meet her properly just so I could tell her that she cannot change him. Either love him as he is or move on.

Listening to him made me realize that I can no longer and will no longer let the memory of him dictate my every action. Yes I can still care for him, but he is my past, and I am okay with that.

I am free to focus on the present and create my own happy future. Will I stumble and fall sometimes, yes, but I can also get back up and keep moving.

Dear Ex,

I wish you the best. I pray you let go of your lingering pain, and bitterness, and open yourself to love again. I pray one day, you will understand and accept that my choice to walk away was me doing what was best for me. And yes I know you did not agree with it, I know it hurt you, but what you did hurt me too. I will choose to let go of the anger and the hurt, and the pain, and bitterness, and forgive not only you, but myself.

Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me – James Blunt “Goodbye my Lover”

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