Dear Diary…

So I am not pregnant. But I am confused. I chose not to listen to my best friend and continued to see him. And almost lost my best friend in the process. So I had to lie and say I broke it off so I could keep my best friend. But now that lie is weighing heavily on my heart.

Add to that the fact that he spent Christmas day with her after telling me he was spending it with his family, I am now sitting feeling like a fool. So I have been avoiding him for almost a week. Claiming I need space. Even after breaking down and telling him that I am tired of being number two and that as much as I want to be with him I am not sure I could survive all that comes with it, he still responds like he hasn’t heard a single word I said.

He acts like cracking jokes, making declarations of love and sweeping it all under the rug will make how I feel go away. But its not. And now I am left with the decision to walk away, or stay and put with it.

Part of me wants to act like him. Have him and another man. Let him experience how I feel but two wrongs don’t make a right. So I guess eventually I will have to walk away for real this time. If he really wanted me, he would do everything to be with me, but he is not. And I cannot continue to put my heart through this pain any longer.

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